Birth Story
Sawyer Gray
I don't know exactly WHY I wanted to go into labor so badly, but I sure did. In hindsight, I think I was just anxious to know what it was like, I wanted to meet Sawyer, and I was uncomfortable. In hindsight, now, I would tell myself to soak in every single second of having that precious boy safe in my belly. My best friend Betsy kept trying to tell me to soak in the last days of pregnancy but my impatience wasn't listening. I wanted to meet my baby NOW!!!
I was doing anything and everything that the internet/doctors suggested for you to go into labor. I was walking almost every day, drinking the tea, eating dates, bouncing on my ball, and all the other things. I am such an achiever, that I think subconsciously I wanted to prove to all the people who told me "it's your first baby you’ll go late" wrong.. or maybe I saw it as a challenge. Ha! Leave it to me to make this process something I could "achieve".
I took a photo of Sawyer and I at the gym on Monday morning
On Monday 1/27, I woke up and went to the gym for a walk. My attempt at making something happen before my appointment later that day. Me and Patrick went in for my 39 week appointment. Sawyer was due on Friday, so I knew the end was in sight but I was still really hoping for him to come sooner than later. I got my membranes swept at the appointment, and was placed on the monitor for an hour to check my contractions. They were happening, but far apart and not really anything notable. Patrick left the appointment to finish up his day at work and I went home and sat on our couch by the window and attempted to read my new book I got to "pass the time" before Sawyer came. As I was reading, I noticed my contractions started to become more regular and shorter apart. I texted Betsy to ask for advice on what to do. She suggested to bounce on my ball as I timed the contractions with my app. I texted Patrick, too, to let him know what was happening and that *maybe* this was it (?). He came home and I was still bouncin'. The contractions were 5 minutes or less apart.. and the app kept alerting me to go to the hospital haha!! Patrick started to cook the dinner we bought the day before as I bounced and timed. Then, all of a sudden, they stopped. I contacted my friend Stephanie who is a L&D nurse, and she assured me that sometimes women who get their membranes swept can have some episodes like this but it isn't the real thing. So, Patrick and I ate the dinner he cooked (bratwursts, sweet potato fries and broccoli) and we continued on with our plans for the evening. He was going to his mentor, Jason's, house and I was going to my friend Brittany's house to watch the Bachelor with my girlfriends.
My contractions the second time around while watching The Bachelor at Brittany’s house
I got to Brittany's house (It was me, Ruth, Brittany, Johna, and Brittany's husband Drew) and we popped popcorn and Ruth made cookies. Our usual. I told them about my experience a few hours before. We watched the bachelor and at about 9:15-9:30ish towards the end of the show, my contractions started again. I didn't want to be a drama queen since I had a false alarm earlier, so I tried not to make it a big deal and I just quietly timed the contractions on the couch. My friends were like, "um, are you ok?" and I didn't know what to say. I told them it was happening again, but I didn't want to make it a "thing" because this is what happened earlier and I didn't want to get my hopes up. My contractions were about 3-4 mins apart. It was awkward for a few minutes because they knew I was contracting and I was starting to feel more pain, but again, didn't want to have false hope. Finally, Ruth encouraged me to let her drive me home while drew followed behind in my car. I admit that I fought it a little but finally gave in. By the time we got home, I remember looking at Ruth and saying "do you think this is it?" and she said yes. I guess Drew called Patrick on the way home and told him to come home from Jason's house. All I remember is Patrick zooming home, me contracting in Ruth's car while she kept assuring me she wouldn't leave me, Drew running into my house to take our dogs out, and the dark of the evening in our driveway. Patrick finally pulled in, and I went straight to the car (our bags were luckily already packed up in the car). I had my slippers on from bachelor night, but oh well. We called the hospital and let them know we were on our way.
I was in a lot of pain, and poor Patrick was zooming to the hospital as quick as he could. By the time we got there I couldn't walk or talk. We finally got into a room and they checked me, and I was discouraged to find out that I was only 1.5 cm dilated. They mentioned that they may be just "dehydration contractions" and may need to send me home.... **this woman's worst nightmare**. They had me walk the halls for 45 mins to encourage labor, and all I remember was the blackout pain that I was in for that entire time. Moaning and groaning in pain, I cried as I held onto Patrick for support as the contractions continued to intensify. We finished our walk and stepped back into the room where I was checked again...still 1.5cm. I was discouraged because I was like, gosh if this isn't labor I don't know what is!!! They were threatening to send me home if I didn't make any progress after a bag of fluids. They gave me fluids and a morphine shot in the butt along with an anti-nausea shot. The plan was, the bag of fluids + the shot would be worn off/done in 4 hours, and they'd check me again after that. The morphine did NOTHING. My contractions intensified and I labored for what felt like an eternity until they came back to check me yet again. Mind you, I STILL didn't know if I was "in labor" at this point because they kept acting like I wasn't by threatening to send us home!! (annoying). Patrick kept asking me, "How can I help you, what can I do?" and all I told him was "Whatever you do, don't let them make us leave."
She came back in at around 6-7am , and to everyone's surprise, congratulated me that I was 5cm dilated. In my mind I thought, "SO I REALLY AM IN LABOR!!!" Haha! From there, things moved quickly. I was ready for the epidural, and once that was administered, I fell asleep. I had pulled an all nighter at that point, and I was exhausted. Thankfully, I slept through the rest of the contractions (with the epidural) and rested up. At around 9:00, they came and checked me again. 10. cm. dilated. I had gone from not knowing if I was really in labor or not to 10cm in less than 4 hours! Mentally I had to catch up to the fact that this was even real, that it was really happening.
My nurse and midwife walked me through some "test pushes" to see where Sawyer was at and to help me learn how to push. My midwife told us that she had another patient at the exact same spot that I was in, and that she thinks I'd be pushing for an hour, so she let me "labor him down" and let him get as low as possible so we could avoid pushing for that long.
After 30 minutes or so, my nurse and I practiced some test pushes again. After about 5 sets, she asked me to stop and she pressed a button and said "We need a doctor in here." My midwife was with the other patient, so the dedicated "C-Section" doctor came in to deliver Sawyer because the other woman was in another delivery! He came in and the room was prepped, and we did one big push and at 11:28am on 1/28, heaven and earth collided and our perfect Sawyer Gray was born. 7 pounds 10 ounces and 20 inches long- he was pure perfection.
I struggle to remember the rest of the day, as it was a total blur. I remember shaking from the hormone shift and just not feeling "right". I held Sawyer for a few minutes and did skin to skin, but I felt so faint that I felt like it was unsafe to keep holding him. I handed Sawyer to Patrick so they could have skin to skin. I have vague memories of watching Patrick meet Sawyer and connect with him.. absolute heaven. To this day, Patrick is so so good at soothing Sawyer when he is fussy. I think they made a special connection during that time. My parents came at some point but I don't even remember it.. all I can remember is hearing my mom saying how perfect he was, and also continuously checking on me. I had some blood drawn and I guess I had some levels off- white blood cells and potassium. We were moved to a different room where I had to take a gross potassium drink and continue to be monitored. I was in and out, I think, and I vaguely remember my Mother and Sister in law joining us to meet Sawyer and bringing Publix subs (my request). Later on, our best friends Joey and Kayla came to meet him and check on us. I honestly remember 0 of these moments...haha.
Finally, later that night, we were moved to the recovery floor where I continued to make progress to feeling less loopy and more stable and able to experience my angel boy. I remember how bright and alive his eyes were, staring at me through his little glass bassinet. I remember him hiccuping and me remembering that feeling from the inside of my belly just two days before. I remember his little noises, and how at every sound I would stare at him to make sure he was okay. I remember our delicate and intimate first moments of attempting breastfeeding, a journey we'd take together as we learned one another. I remember how I felt so nervous to be responsible to care for something so perfect, so precious.
I am such a perfectionist, I struggle to be patient and learn a new skill. Motherhood is something I just couldn't have been prepared for. I don't know what could have possibly prepared me for this shift, this complete life transition within a moment. I will share our postpartum experience in a different story, but for now this feels like the right place to leave our birth story. Our perfectly imperfect birth story.
photos by Karli Myers